Friday, March 15, 2013

Biggest 'little' blessings...

Hey y'all it's Shannon again. It's Friday again everyone! Who is excited for Friday!? Me, me, pick me!! I love the weekend I love that feeling of having finished another week. Does anyone else feel that way, like getting through the week is sometimes a HUGE accomplishment? I certainly have.

 But this Friday is shaping up to be a pretty good one I've enjoyed my coffee, the littles were sitting in the window seat making silly faces at each other... and now I'm remembering how little they used to be! I can't believe how big they've gotten  (Ashley and Kailly's babies too)!? Children grow up so fast ... It's like one day we are holding a teeny tiny little baby and they grow overnight and they start walking and then running. Then one day we wake up and they can reach what we have on the counter and can climb virtually anything and everything!? I realized that my Big M is going to be 4 years old at the end of this month and Little M will be 3 years old this summer.... How did that happen?? Where did the time go?? How did they get so big so crazy fast??!

  I look at my little MnMs today and they are the spittin' image of their handsome daddy. They both have big blue eyes and sandy blonde hair and even the same big Danish noggin. They are my big boys now. I held each of these boys in my arms as my babies. I swaddled them in blankets and rocked them to sleep singing soft sweet lullabys. I woke up to check on them all throughout the night just to be sure they were still breathing. I carried these precious boys in my body and they've heard my heart beat from the inside! I dreamed what they would look like and how they would be. I have loved them my whole life. When I dreamed of having children I was dreaming of these two beautiful blue eyed boys that are looking at me right now asking for applesauce... .... .... .... (And I'm back the lack of applesauce situation has been remedied) I've always loved them and when I actually met my boys I only fell more in love with them and I've yet to love another human being this much! I knew from the minute I held them that I would do anything to protect them and to make sure that they know they are precious to me and so so very loved. 

  On the day that my first son, Big M, came into this world I was utterly exhausted but the very second I saw him it was all worth it and it's like I felt nothing but pure love in that one second and then I held him and looked into his big beautiful blue eyes I snuggled him close and with tears in my eyes said, "Hi (Baby M) I'm your mama." It hit me in that beautiful moment that this precious little baby boy that I was holding so close against my heart... is mine! He is my baby boy! We've held other babies or have been around other peoples children and sometimes we even love other peoples children but it's still just not the same.... I labored long and hard to meet Baby Big M that day not knowing what to expect (even after reading 'What To Expect When You're Expecting') I remember feeling scared and unbelievably empowered at the same time, feeling so out of control of my body and yet finding an inner strength I never knew that I had. My son was the reason I experienced that amazing day! That very special day when I held my first son close to my heart and thanked God for blessing me with a precious child of my own! Then I kissed his perfect little forehead and handed him back to the nurse and I watched as my husband gave our brand new baby his first bath and my heart swelled with overwhelming love for my husband as I watched him kiss the same tiny little forehead and gently cradle our baby for the first time and I watched in awe as our marriage became a family right before my very eyes. 

  When I first held my second son, Little M, I was simply amazed  at how tiny he was and I gasped, "Aww he's such a little fish" I cradled him gently in my arms so nervous that I would somehow break this tiny little guy. I smiled down at him and marveled that he looked so much like his older brother and I touched my nose to his teeny little nose and breathed his name softly and I told him I loved him and then I whispered to him that I was his mama and I would protect him forever. Shortly after the hospital staff had to rush him out and he was taken to the NICU at a different hospital (he wasn't able to hold anything down in his little stomach and the doctor thought it was some rare stomach/intestinal condition where they have a sealed blockage that would have had to be operated on...) but before he left I reached into the little incubator and I held his little hand whispered a prayer over him and watched as they wheeled my baby boy, my "little fish", out of my room and down the hall. I turned away and cried as I thought what was going on. A million questions raced through my mind ... Is he going to be ok? Will he have to have surgery? Is he strong enough for that? Am I? And I wept as I briefly imagined a future without having my precious Little M... I immediately started packing myself and our belongings up so we could get out of there as fast as was physically possible. They discharged me from the hospital much too early but I was annoyingly persistent about getting out of there and getting to my baby! (so I don't blame them for wanting to get rid of me haha.) We were reunited in the NICU at the other hospital and I remember being even more afraid to break him I was so nervous to hold him or even touch him and I felt so helpless because my heart was crippled with the horrific thought of losing him. I gradually got more and more secure as my husband and the nurses sweetly reassured me. We did eventually get to bring home our second sweet little baby boy but those first few days of my  Little M's life were the most overwhelmingly joyful, tearful, and truly terrifying moments of my life! When we brought him home and he met his big brother and we watched our little family grow again my husband, me, Big M and baby little M. (and Snickers too)

Me holding Baby Big M.
This is me holding Baby Little M.

  Now y'all I sat down at eight in the morning to start this blog and now it is almost eight in the evening and as I type this my sweet boys are safely tucked into bed and they've played their hearts out today and have given me goodnight kisses they are off to dreamland. I look at my boys now and see how much they've grown I see everything they've ever been. I see how tiny and defenseless they were as babies. I see them taking those first breathtaking steps. I see how they used to toddle forward a few steps and then stumble to the ground sometimes laughing and sometimes frustrated but always cute! I see their toothless little grins I hear those first adorable giggles that quickly turned into infectious laughter. I smile as I remember the first time Big M had carrots and that cute little scrunched up face he made. I whisper a grateful prayer when I think of the moment I watched my Little M be wheeled out of the hospital room and into our then unknown future.  I look at these growing children and I see MY boys; all that they are, all they have become, and all that they will be... My little MnMs are growing and learning more every single day. They are getting so big! They are the biggest little blessings in my entire life! God has blessed my life with two amazing little boys! I'm so thankful that He chose me to be their mama! I love my little MnMs with my whole heart and they truly are the light of my life! 

 I love my boys and I can't believe how fast they are growing up. I really just can't believe that they are so big?!  My babies are now toddlers and soon they will be young men... Time just flies doesn't it? Well for this time that I have been given with my boys we will run, and jump, and play. I will hold them close in my arms until I can't anymore I will hug them while I can and love them forever and always!! 

  I hope y'all have had a fantastic Friday and that your weekend will be even more fantastic! I hope that you treasure your precious littles and rejoice throughout every season of their lives we only have toddlers for a brief time So let's choose to delight in their art (even when it's on the walls) let's be grateful when we have kiddos that want to be near us always (even when they sit on the other side of the bathroom door while we are using the restroom) Let's just choose to rejoice and whisper a thankful prayer for our beautiful blessings even when they are messy and loud and we feel like we might tear our hair out .... Hug them now because they will only be little for a time! 

 Outfit of the day... 
just shorts and a white t shirt for me today...

Sending you late Friday hugs and wishing you a wonderful weekend... wishing you smiles and sweet dreams ...Shannon :)


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