Someone told me the other day, that I was a "perfect" mom. I love hearing that, we all do as mommies, but as time has gone by, I feel I have to tell the truth and just be honest. I'm not perfect. No where near it, and I am completely okay with that.
My mom wasn't really all there as I grew up. She made choices that I can't even imagine doing. So, I have always wanted to be perfect. I've dreamt of being a mom since I was a little girl. I thought of everything I had gone through, and what I knew I would never do as a Mom. I spent days thinking of a little girl, hair bows, tutus, the whole kits and kaboodles. Did I say that right? My husband will tell you, I put my everything into being the world's best Mom! I think that is what so many people see, and I am SO grateful for that. I love being a Mom. I love having my mini me with me all day, every day. But, not every day is perfect!
What is perfect? And, what is a perfect Mom? Someone that never makes mistakes? That definitely isn't me. There have been times that I have bawled my eyes out wondering if God blessed me with my gorgeous girl too early in life. There have been times, that I have put her in a beautiful dress, and pinched her on accident as I was buttoning the back of it. There have been times that I have complained about getting up at three am to pump when my beautiful family is sleeping. Let's face it, when even our husky, Lylla, is sleeping, I don't want to be the only one awake!
I am not the perfect mom that gets ready every day. Most days, I try to smack a little makeup on my face, to feel good. I either wear my hair down, up in a pony, a bun or in a messy braid. I love the days that I have time to get all dolled up. I love to wear heels and feel beautiful. But, in reality, most days I am in pajamas or sweats. And, if I get a chance to, I will toss on jeans, a top, and slippers. Yep, slippers. Those are my accessories as of late!
I love my daughter more than ANYTHING in this world. I wouldn't change her at all. And I thank God every single day for her. She is the light of my life, and the reason I live. She gives a new definition to living. I never felt like I truly lived until the day I found out I was pregnant. And, pregnancy was so hard on me. I puked my guts out all the way until she was born. I'm telling you, I bowed down to the porcelain god more times than I would ever like to count. But, when it was for her, nothing else mattered. She was so special to me. She IS so special to me. Just now, she started to reach for me, so I put the laptop down and picked her up. She nuzzled her face into my neck and we danced and sang around the room. She giggled as tears of joy fell down my face. These are the moments I live for.
I may not be a perfect Mom. No one is. But, I am a Mom that loves her little girl more than anything. I love getting up with her at night when she randomly decides it's morning, even though the sun is still down, and there are no birds chirping. I love when she fake coughs, because she knows I will check on her, even though I know it is fake. And, I love the five minutes afterwards that we fake cough back and forth at eachother, all the while smiling ear to ear and giggling. I love that she knows I am her Mommy. And to N, my beautiful, smart, almost 9 month old, I am perfect. And, nothing else matters.