Sunday, April 14, 2013

Guest Post: Complete Awkwardness

Well hello there friends it's Shannon just here to introduce our beautiful new guest blogger for today. Everyone I'd like you to meet my dear friend, Mallory. Mallory and I went to high school together and have been friends ever since. She is not only a gorgeous mommy she is just as beautiful on the inside too. She absolutely loves her kiddos (and their crazy antics) and she loves the Lord with her whole heart. She and her hubby have two absolutely adorable littles!! Mallory is such a wonderful friend of mine and I'm so happy she is sharing with us today on the mommy blog. So without any further ado the magnificent mommy and my amazing friend, Mallory, giving us a mama's perspective on those awkward mommy moments...

Complete Awkwardness....

Hi y'all! First off, I would like to introduce myself. I'm Mallory, but you can call me Mal. A 26 year old happily married wife and mother of two beautiful children. My oldest is my son. He turns three next month, lets call him Monkey. :) My second born is my daughter who just turned 5 months old, lets call her Elephant. :) My two favorite animals. And those animal nicknames fit my children nicely.

I would like to chat a bit about awkwardness. Awkwardness in public with MY toddler....

 Its that very moment when you are grocery shopping and you walk in to a wall of an unfamiliar smell of grossness. A smell that overwhelms your senses. You dart away from the smell and just as quick as you are quietly trying to escape the grossness your 2 year old yells (very loudly) "Mommy, that man farted". Yes, that my friends is MY two year old. AWKWARD!
I took my sweet little elephant and monkey to the mall a few days ago. As we are walking around Monkey wanted to chuck some pennies in to the fountain. We are having a lovely time despite how crazy busy the mall was. ( I hate crowds) We are surrounded by about 10 other families doing the same thing and my Monkey decides to yell out "my butthole itches". Several mommies looked at me with a shocked look on their face and several dads just cracked up laughing. Yes, that my friends is MY two year old. AWKWARD but FUNNY!
Another time, I took my son to Wal-Mart with me a few weeks ago. We made the 20 minute drive to the nearest Wal-Mart. I kept smelling something funky coming from the back seat but every time I asked Monkey if he needed to use the bathroom he would say "no mommy, I just farted." So I believed him. WELL, that was not the case. I parked, got Monkey out of his car seat and started walking towards the entrance of Wal-Mart. A women stopped me to tell me something was falling off my son. Falling off my son??? I looked down to find my son pooping ALL over himself and it indeed was falling off my son. In fact, he made a pretty stinky trail from my van to the front entrance of Wal-Mart. I had a "what do I do" moment while just standing there staring at this HUGE mess my son had made. People buzzing by me plugging their nose and pointing their fingers... AH! Yes, that my friends is MY two year old. Indeed very awkward!

I could go on and on for a LONG time about all the awkward but funny moments I have in public with my Monkey but I will wrap it up with one more story...
Monkey and I were at the grocery store when we passed by a mother of three who was yelling at her children. And when I say yelling I mean YELLING, she was also using some pretty nasty words that I will choose to leave out. My Monkey looked at me and said "Mommy, mean lady" I replied with yes son she is acting mean towards her kids. My son then yells to the lady as we pass by her again "MEAN LADY!!!!" The lady gave me a REALLY NASTY look, I just shrugged my shoulders. And yes, that my friends is MY two year old. Another awkward moment but also hope it made her think next time before she treats her children like that in public.
-Peace, love, Monkeys and Elephants. :)

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