Wednesday, April 17, 2013

My Struggle with Post Partum Depression.

Hey everyone. This is Kailly. I have been stuck between a few topics today. I'm sure I will choose one today and save the other for Saturday, but can't choose yet. Here in Denver it is snowing. I feel like Spring will never come at this point. I long for the sunshine, summer dresses, flip flops, and days at the park! Come on, Spring!

Anyway, I thought I would chat about something I struggle with. Post partum depression. Ugh. That was the first time I've ever written it down in regards to myself. This is a newer thing for me. I was recently told I may be struggling with it. Well, it's been about a month. Besides my husband, and my counselor, I haven't told anyone. Until today, and all of you. Ahhh, I feel like a weight was just lifted off my shoulders.

Are you wondering why I haven't mentioned it before? Well, honestly, I was ashamed. I love being a mom more than anyone I have ever met. I was born to be a Mommy. How could I ever have depression from the thing I love the most?

It has taken me a while to learn that while I may struggle with depression somedays, it isn't from being a Mom. It is from the hormone levels getting back to normal after giving birth. And, I still breastfeed, so all of those hormones play into things as well.

Somedays, I just feel like I have baby blues. I know my PPD is not very bad. It is a mild case, but stronger than just baby blues. There are days I spend the day so upset, crying over everything. Other days, I seem completely normal. I am not on medication for it. I choose not to be. I don't want any medication in my body while I am breastfeeding besides Tylenol on the rare occasion of a migraine.

There is such a stigma behind PPD. Some people don't believe it is real. Some people think all people that deal with it will hurt their children. But, let me be the first to tell you, it is real. And, let me also tell you that I LOVE everything about being a Mom and would never hurt my baby. Like I said, this isn't about N. This is about hormones in my body getting back to normal after giving birth.

I prepped so much before giving birth. I read about PPD and thought of everything possible to try and "prevent" it. But, that isn't really possible. I never had a disconnect with my daughter that a lot of women have, and I am so thankful for that. I just deal with some rough days mentally, and emotionally.

So, anyway, just wanted to share something that has been hard for me overall. But, it's nothing to be ashamed of. As time goes on, I feel better each and every day. I pray over it every day, too. So, if you are dealing with PPD, please know, you are not alone!

But, do you see this little princess? This is my sweet N. She makes each day worth fighting for. She makes me smile every day. She makes me laugh every day! And, I know, because of her, I will be back to myself in no time! :-)


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